I developed palmoplantar pustulosis when I was 24, and before I knew it, more than ten years had passed.
As I went through times when I felt completely broken and other times when I managed to get back on my feet, my way of facing my illness gradually began to change.
Today, I’d like to write about an experience that made me start thinking deeply about how to approach illness with the right mindset.
“I want to know how to change my mindset…!!”
Right after the illness began, I was simply desperate and had no room to think about anything else.
I was unbearably itchy and could barely sleep.
For about three years, I lived in a constant search for the cause, trying one thing after another whenever I thought it might help.
I don’t know exactly what made a difference, but little by little, my symptoms began to settle down.
However, they continued to get better and worse, over and over again.
It felt as though one foot was caught in a quicksand pit.
I would struggle my way out, only to be dragged back in again…
Little by little, I became emotionally exhausted.
About seven years after the illness began, I was introduced to yet another hospital and started going there.
I’ve been to so many hospitals that I’ve lost count…
I remember sitting in the waiting room and, almost without thinking, searching online for:
“Illness and mindset.”
I was carrying a heart that felt like it was about to break, and I no longer knew how to face this body of mine.
I was completely exhausted, both physically and emotionally, and I was desperately looking for help.
Discovering a Book by Yuriko Tojo
About eight years after the illness began, I finally reached the point where I could no longer keep pushing myself and took a leave of absence from work.
Even now, I’m amazed that until then, I had gone to work every single day.
I think being young and in my twenties helped, but my job had also been an emotional anchor for me.
Losing that anchor was painful, but I simply had no choice anymore.
It was around this time that I came across a book.
It was Natural Healing: Living Examples and Guidance by Yuriko Tojo, a well-known Japanese advocate of natural healing.
There was something about her strict, no-nonsense words that felt different from anything else I had encountered, so I kept reading.
Before I knew it, I had finished the entire book in one sitting, crying my eyes out while sitting formally on the floor.
“This is what I’ve been looking for!”
That was the beginning of my journey into learning about the mind.
I Hadn’t Been Living by My Own Strength—
I Had Simply Been Given the Gift of Life
At the time, I wrote down some thoughts that came to me while reading the book.
It’s quite long, but I’d like to share the entire note as I wrote it.
I realized that I had been lacking gratitude. This, I felt, was the root of my illness—the “mind,” or the roots, behind the “body,” or the branches and leaves.
Tears wouldn’t stop as I reflected on this and felt deeply moved.
I had worked hard at studying, worked hard at research, and worked hard at my job. So why had I become ill…?
I had worked harder than most people, and as a result, I had ended up being exposed to more chemicals than most people and became sick. It felt so ironic. I was angry and frustrated. That’s how I had thought about it.
But I realized that I had been wrong.
The truth was that my parents had given me the opportunity to study, and I had simply been given a job by my company and allowed to work there.
And in the first place, my parents had given birth to me and raised me. I had simply been “given life” and supported all the way to where I was.
Yet I had taken all of this for granted. I had never even stopped to remember it. Instead, I had mistakenly believed that I had achieved everything through my own efforts.
I had approached my illness in exactly the same way.
I went from hospital to hospital, read countless books, gathered information, tried Chinese herbal medicine, changed my diet, decided that this was bad and that was forbidden, and desperately tried to find an answer.
Then I would get angry and think, “Why am I still not getting better when I’m working this hard?!”
I resented my own body and became emotionally affected by every change in my symptoms.
I had been completely mistaken.
My body is a gift from the natural world. I am a part of nature.
That means I already have a natural ability to heal.
So all I need to do is trust in the greater power of nature and try to live as naturally as possible.
Remove what is unnatural—such as additives, Western-style dietary habits, and chemical substances—and return to what is natural, such as traditional Japanese food culture and ways of living.
When I thought about it that way, a huge weight seemed to lift from my shoulders. My body suddenly felt lighter, and my mind opened up. I felt much more positive, bright, and hopeful.
Somehow, I could even feel a renewed sense of energy.
In modern society, it is impossible to completely avoid unnatural things such as pollutants. But I realized that there was no need to worry excessively about every little thing, because the natural world has its own ability to cleanse and restore.
Above all, I learned how important it is to be deeply grateful for the fact that, while receiving the gift of life every day, I am still here and alive today—and to simply live wholeheartedly, using my own hands and feet.
(March 4, 2020)
Yuriko Tojo passed away at the age of 94 on February 22, 2020.
Sadly, I never had the chance to meet her in person.
However, I was able to receive nutritional counseling through Anata to Kenko-sha, the organization she founded.
I read all of her books, attended natural-healing workshops, went to her lectures, took correspondence courses, and attended healthy cooking classes.
I learned so much from those experiences.
I also met some wonderful people along the way.
People with all kinds of illnesses and personal circumstances gather there.
Some are facing life-threatening illnesses, yet somehow the atmosphere is remarkably bright.
Perhaps it’s because everyone is there to learn and move forward.
When you face an illness all by yourself, it’s easy to start feeling as though you are the only person suffering.
But when you meet and connect with different people, you realize that this isn’t true.
You discover that nobody has a completely trouble-free life.
I’ve also come to feel that the reassurance of “I’m not alone. I have people beside me.” is incredibly important when facing illness.
Because of these encounters, I was finally able to begin facing my illness in a deeper and more meaningful way.
How Do You Read the “Letter” That Is Illness?
One of Yuriko Tojo’s teachings was:
“Illness is a letter from heaven telling you to reconsider the way you have been living.”
When you become ill, can you see it as a letter?
And how will you read that letter?
To face illness is not necessarily about curing it, but about asking what you can learn from it.
After this idea opened my eyes, I gradually became able to accept my illness.
Today, I can honestly say that I am truly grateful that I became ill.
If I had never become sick, I don’t think I would have thought this deeply about what it means to live.
I probably would have continued believing that I was living entirely through my own strength, without gratitude, and with a rather shallow understanding of life.
Perhaps the key to the right mindset for facing illness lies somewhere in all of this.
As I continued thinking about these things, my symptoms gradually became milder.
That said, I still have plenty of things to work on.
I want to continue facing myself, learning, and growing from here on.
Thank you, as always, for reading! 😊