10 Things I Let Go of in My 20s and 30s—and What I Gained in Return (Part 2)

Hello!

On this site, I will openly share the story of how I went from being diagnosed with palmoplantar pustulosis (which later developed into osteoarthropathy) at the age of 24, and later being diagnosed with multiple chemical sensitivity, to a point where I was physically and emotionally exhausted and had no idea how I was going to keep living—and how, by letting go of things one by one, I gradually became lighter in both body and mind, discovered what I truly wanted to do, eventually quit my job, and started my own business.

I’ll write honestly about the things I let go of along the way: the possessions around me, my work and daily life, relationships, my thoughts and habits, and the worries and inner conflicts I carried in my heart.

In the first part, I mainly wrote about letting go of “things” and “lifestyle habits.”

It all started when bronchitis prompted me to begin getting rid of things around me.

As I did, cleaning became easier, my body felt better, and I realized how refreshed I felt when my living space became clean and uncluttered.

I also gave up foods that didn’t agree with my body, such as processed foods and meals eaten out, and experienced firsthand how the eczema and inflammation on my body became less severe.

When I stopped wearing synthetic fabrics and clothes that were too tight, my body felt relieved, and the condition of my skin began to improve.

I also gave up soap, shampoo, and various cosmetics, and eventually people started complimenting me on my skin and hair.

By reconsidering the things and lifestyle habits in my life one by one, and letting go of what wasn’t right for me, I gradually gained more time, better health, a more spacious living environment, and greater peace of mind.

In this second part, I’m going to take things a step further and explore “letting go of the invisible.”

In my case, I feel that letting go of the “visible”—things and lifestyle habits—became practice for letting go of the “invisible.”

That’s because when we let go of physical possessions, we are often letting go of things that exist within us as well, such as anxiety and attachment.

For example, even after I started working, I continued to carefully hold on to my textbooks and notebooks from my student days.

I had several boxes full of them, and because they were so heavy, moving them from one place to another was a real ordeal whenever I moved.

They also took up a large portion of my storage space, and I even had boxes stacked up in one corner of my room.

If I had kept them, I might have looked back through them nostalgically someday.

But at a time when I was so physically and emotionally exhausted that simply getting through each day was a struggle, what I needed to prioritize was “right now, the present moment.”

In order to truly live in the present, I chose to let go of the past.

Those textbooks and notebooks contained the past version of me—the person who had dreamed of becoming a researcher and devoted herself to studying and conducting research.

At the time, I still had a faint dream of someday returning to university and becoming a researcher.

But by letting go of those textbooks and notebooks, I let go of the “past me who had worked so hard,” stopped living in the possibilities of the future, and found within myself the determination to “face the present moment with everything I have.”

And I feel that all the days I spent seriously confronting my illness and the question of how I wanted to live have accumulated into the powerful sense I now have that I am truly alive.

There is a passage in the bestselling book The Courage to Be Disliked, which draws on Adlerian psychology to explore how to build fulfilling relationships and a fulfilling life:

“Put a strong spotlight on ‘here and now.’”

The book explains that putting a spotlight on “here and now” means “seriously and carefully doing what you can do right now.”

In other words, if you look only at the past or the future and shine a faint, blurry light on them, you may feel as though you can see something—but in reality, you’re not seeing much at all.

I used to spend all my time looking at the past and the future, and I couldn’t focus on the present at all.

Once I let go of constantly looking backward or forward, and learned to live seriously in the present, it gave me a much stronger sense of being alive.

Well, once again, the introduction has gotten a little long…

But this time, I’m going to share 10 of the most significant things I let go of in my 20s and 30s—and what I gained as a result (Part 2)!

I hope you’ll stick with me for the rest of the story. 😊

Thing #5 I Let Go of: A Workplace That Wasn’t Right for My Body

After completing graduate school, I started working at a research institute for a chemical manufacturer.

I found the work fascinating and felt like I had finally found “my calling.”

There was a certain sense of freedom at the research institute at the time, and it was an environment where I could work comfortably and freely.

You could see the ocean from the break room, and I loved having lunch or tea there with my colleagues.

However, that fulfilling life at the research institute didn’t last long.

I developed an allergic reaction to chemicals.

I had always been prone to allergies.

When I was around 17, I started developing eczema on my feet, and it never completely went away.

At university and graduate school, I also used a lot of chemicals in my experiments.

I think being exposed to large amounts of chemicals during factory training after I started working was the tipping point after everything had gradually built up over the years.

The eczema suddenly spread all over my body, and I also began experiencing pain in my bones and joints.

For days on end, I couldn’t sleep because of the intense itching and pain all over my body.

By morning, my sheets were covered in oozing fluid, blood, and flakes of skin from scratching myself in my sleep.

Then one day, I told my supervisor that something was wrong with my health, and I was immediately transferred to the company’s head office.

I left the research institute and was given work that didn’t require me to come into direct contact with chemicals.

Gradually, my skin symptoms began to improve.

I came to realize just how much the environment where we spend a large part of our day—our workplace—can affect our bodies.

👉 In summary

What I let go of: My job at a research institute where I handled chemicals

What I gained: An improvement in my skin symptoms

Thing #6 I Let Go of: Worrying About What Other People Thought

After transferring from the research institute to the head office, I was temporarily placed under the HR department and helped with recruitment activities.

I had opportunities to interact with students, but at the time, the inflammation on my face and hands was severe.

Inside, I was constantly thinking, “Is it really okay for me to be out in front of people looking like this?”

But it was my job, and I also wanted to do my best to repay the company for accepting me after such a sudden transfer and for being understanding about the time I had to take off for hospital visits.

Although it was only for a short time, I was grateful for the valuable experience of being involved in recruitment.

After a while, it was decided that I would join the sales department.

To be honest, I felt a knot in my stomach just thinking about it.

I had trained in the sales department when I was a new employee, and I remembered feeling completely lost and overwhelmed because I didn’t know the first thing about what I was doing.

Every time the phone rang, I would jump, scrambling to figure out how to respond.

And, at the time, the research institute and the sales department weren’t exactly on the best of terms. 😂

Looking back now, I know I was making it seem much more intimidating than it really was.

But at the time, it honestly felt like “I’d been thrown into a pack of wolves all by myself.” 🤣

There were so many things I didn’t know, and I didn’t even know who I was supposed to ask.

I remember thinking, How can two departments in the same company be this different?

Before I knew it, whenever I had to speak in front of people or talk to someone, my face would turn bright red and I would start sweating profusely.

I suppose you could call it facial blushing or social anxiety?

The more I tried to calm myself down, the redder my face seemed to get.

At the research institute, I had felt relatively confident and believed I was moving forward in my work with a sense of purpose, so I could interact with people calmly.

But now I was in a completely different field.

I was embarrassed by how little I knew and how incapable I felt.

I lost my confidence and became constantly preoccupied with what other people thought of me.

I probably also had this strange sense of pride that came from thinking, “But I used to be a researcher.”

Then one day, I realized, “This kind of pride is completely useless.”

So I decided to let it go.

I also stopped worrying about my tendency to blush.

I started focusing on simply doing what needed to be done, without worrying about how I looked—even if my face turned bright red.

Gradually, I earned the trust of the people around me, and I was given opportunities to accompany colleagues on visits to clients.

When I used the knowledge I had gained at the research institute to give technical presentations, people appreciated them, which made me happy and motivated me even more.

I continued creating presentation materials and explaining things to people for several years.

Eventually, I was entrusted with important presentations for overseas distributors and customers.

And before I knew it, my blushing had disappeared, too.

👉 In summary

What I let go of: My strange sense of pride and worrying about what other people thought of me

What I gained: The trust of those around me and improved professional skills

Thing #7 I Let Go of: Resenting My Illness

A few years after transferring to the head office, I had finally gotten used to both my new environment and my work.

Around that time, I married my boyfriend, whom I had been dating since my student days.

I was 30 years old.

My health still had its ups and downs, but I found my work fulfilling, my personal life was going well, and everything seemed to be falling into place.

Happy ending!

…Well, that’s how I wish the story could have gone. 😅

Just when it seemed like everything was going to work out, the company underwent a major organizational restructuring, and I was transferred to another department.

Things also started changing in my personal life.

And I guess when things happen all at once, they really do happen all at once…

Trouble arose both at work and in my personal life, and I suddenly found myself in a very difficult situation.

But when one door closes, another opens.

Just when I was physically and emotionally at my lowest, I was fortunate enough to be taken under the wing of a wonderful supervisor.

I was transferred to the Intellectual Property Department, where I began working on patent-related matters.

It was a complete change from my previous job, where I had frequently given presentations in front of people.

Now, I spent most of my time quietly working at a desk.

My supervisor and everyone else in the department were so calm, kind, and warm-hearted that I felt deeply relieved.

And once the tension I had been carrying for so long finally began to melt away, all the exhaustion I had been holding inside came rushing out.

As I entered my 30s, I also felt that I was losing the ability to simply push through things no matter what.

Around that time, my symptoms began to change as well.

The skin problems had improved considerably, but I was now struggling with headaches, nausea, and extreme fatigue.

When I went to the hospital, I was diagnosed with multiple chemical sensitivity (MCS).

It was 2019, and I was 33 years old.

“I just want to rest…”

I ended up taking a leave of absence from work for a year and a half.

Why did this happen to me?

I had worked so hard at my studies and at my job. So why did I have to become sick?

I was frustrated.

So frustrated.

And so, so frustrated.

I resented my illness.

I resented my own body.

Then, at that point in my life, I happened to come across a book.

It was Natural Therapy: Living Examples and a Guide by Yuriko Tojo, a leading figure in the field of natural healing in Japan.

The book was filled with incredibly direct and powerful words, stripped of anything superficial.

I sat in the traditional Japanese seiza position, sobbing, and read the entire book in one sitting.

“I haven’t been grateful enough…”

My parents had supported my education, and my company had given me a job and the opportunity to work.

When I really thought about it, for 33 years, I had simply been “kept alive”—born and raised by my parents and supported by so many people along the way.

And yet, I had taken all of that for granted.

I had completely forgotten to even appreciate it.

I had convinced myself that I had made it this far entirely through my own efforts.

The same was true of my illness.

I went from hospital to hospital, read countless books, gathered information, and desperately tried to figure out what would help.

Chinese herbal medicine.

Food.

“This is good.”

“That is bad.”

I was obsessed with finding the answer.

Then I would get angry and think,

“Why am I not getting better when I’m trying this hard?!”

I resented my illness.

I resented my body.

And my emotions rose and fell with every change in my symptoms.

I had been looking at everything completely the wrong way.

Illness isn’t something to “cure”; it is something to learn from.

Resenting an illness doesn’t lead us in a better direction.

Of course, when my symptoms get worse, I sometimes forget my gratitude again and find myself resenting my illness and my body.

But I have come to know the feeling of how my heart opens up and I become more positive and cheerful when I remember to be grateful.

Being able to experience that was a huge gift.

I forget.

Then I remember.

And then I forget again.

Through that repetition, I have continued to grow, learning from my illness along the way.

Seven more years have passed since then, and I’m turning 40 this year.

I still have a long way to go, but I feel that I’ve developed a deeper perspective on life than I had before.

If I had never become ill, perhaps I would still be living with little gratitude and a rather superficial way of looking at things.

When I think about it that way, I realize that maybe my illness hasn’t been entirely a bad thing after all.

👉 In summary

What I let go of: Resenting my illness

What I gained: A new perspective on illness—“Illness isn’t something to cure; it is something to learn from.”

Thing #8 I Let Go of: The Corporate Employee Lifestyle

This article is getting pretty long, so I’m going to speed things up a little from here! 😂

After taking two separate year-and-a-half-long leaves of absence, I decided to leave my company in 2024.

I was 37 years old.

I went back and forth on the decision until the very end, but ultimately, I decided that my body simply couldn’t handle commuting every day and working full-time.

I can’t thank my supervisor and everyone in my department enough for understanding my health situation, encouraging me, and supporting me as much as they did.

If I could have, I would have loved to work alongside them a little longer and contribute more.

After leaving the company, I considered taking a part-time job or doing temporary work, and I actually applied for some positions.

But I couldn’t find a job with an environment or working conditions that my body could handle.

If there wasn’t one, I would just have to create one.

And that’s how I began exploring the path toward starting my own business.

Still, I had only ever known one way of life: being a corporate employee.

I knew absolutely nothing about starting a business.

So I jumped into an online course attended by many women who were hoping to start their own businesses.

There, I was exposed to all kinds of different ways of living and working.

The following year, in 2025, I took the first step toward entrepreneurship by filing a notification with the tax office to register as a sole proprietor.

👉 In summary

What I let go of: The corporate employee lifestyle

What I gained: A new way of life as a sole proprietor

Thing #9 I Let Go of: The Pain of Infertility

After leaving my company, the first thing I decided to focus on was fertility treatment.

I’ve always loved children, and ever since I was around 20, I had dreamed of becoming a mother.

However, even after getting married, I wasn’t able to have a child as I had hoped.

Every time my period came, I would cry.

When friends announced their pregnancies or the births of their babies, I sometimes felt a sharp pain deep in my heart and found that I couldn’t genuinely celebrate with them.

Even seeing a baby on the street could make my heart ache.

Between my illness and my work, I couldn’t bring myself to fully face the issue, and time just kept passing.

Meanwhile, my anxiety and sense of urgency continued to grow.

After I left my company, my husband and I visited a fertility clinic for the first time.

There were certainly difficult moments, but my husband and I had many conversations, and we reaffirmed that we wanted to move forward in the same direction together.

It became a valuable opportunity for us to strengthen our bond as a couple.

Until then, I had been focusing almost entirely on what I didn’t have—“We can’t have a child.”

But by finally facing the situation head-on, I gradually began to notice what I did have: “We have this time together as a couple.”

I also became able to genuinely support my friends who had become mothers.

Now, I sometimes meet up with my dear friends and enjoy spending time together, quietly cheering them on in my heart.

Even if I’m not able to give birth to and raise a child myself, I believe there must still be things I can do for the next generation.

Eventually, I stopped going to the fertility clinic, and I have not had a child.

But I was able to let go of the pain and anxiety surrounding infertility.

That said, I think time was an essential part of the process.

You can’t simply force yourself to think your way out of it.

In my case, it took a certain amount of time, and I finally felt at peace with it when I reached a point where I could genuinely accept my situation.

👉 In summary

What I let go of: The pain and anxiety surrounding infertility

What I gained: A stronger bond with my husband and meaningful time with my friends

Thing #10 I Let Go of: Resisting My Parents’ Love

And now, here comes the final boss! 😂

I’m an only child, and I grew up surrounded by the love of both my parents.

There’s no question that I was very fortunate.

But I wasn’t able to fully appreciate all of that love.

As I grew older, my parents’ attention and concern gradually began to feel overwhelming.

Even their love and desire for me to be healthy and happy sometimes felt like too much.

And so, I entered my late 30s in that state of mind.

I found myself in circumstances I had never imagined for myself: no job and no children.

This gave me an opportunity to really take a close look at myself.

As I did, I also began to slowly examine my feelings toward my parents.

What I eventually came to see was what I considered to be an expression of love.

For me, “trust” felt like love.

So I accepted “trust” as love, but I couldn’t recognize “worry” as another form of love.

Whenever my parents worried about me, I would feel sad or angry, thinking, “They don’t trust me.”

But from my parents’ perspective, both were expressions of the same love.

I realized just how much love I had been throwing away all these years.

What a waste…!!

Instead of demanding that someone express their love in the way we want,

we can expand our own “capacity for love” so that we can receive love in whatever form it comes.

If I can do that, then even my parents’ overwhelming love (sorry, Mom and Dad 😅) can become a tremendous source of energy and support for me.

That said, there are still times when I find it difficult to be completely honest with them…

I want to continue growing my “capacity for love”—while occasionally pushing back a little, and at the same time remaining grateful.

👉 In summary

What I let go of: My resistance toward my parents

What I gained: The ability to receive love

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This time, I chose the rather deep theme of “letting go emotionally,” so once I started writing about what was happening and how I felt at the time, the article ended up becoming quite long. 😅

Thank you so much for reading all the way to the end.

I hope you found at least a little something here that might be helpful to you.

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Thank you, as always, for your continued support. ✨

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